Coping with Disenfranchised Grief
Grief is a natural and universal response to losing someone or something that matters to us. However, not all losses are recognized or acknowledged by society. Sometimes, we may feel like we have no right to grieve, or that our grief is not valid or important. This can make us feel isolated, misunderstood, and ashamed of our feelings. This is what is known as disenfranchised grief.
What is Disenfranchised Grief?
Disenfranchised grief is a term that describes the experience of grieving a loss that is not recognized or validated by society1. It can happen when:
The loss is not considered significant enough, such as losing a pet, a friend, a co-worker, or an ex-partner.
The relationship is not seen as legitimate, such as losing a partner who was married to someone else, or a child who was adopted or aborted.
The cause of death is stigmatized, such as losing a loved one to suicide, homicide, overdose, or AIDS.
The grieving person does not fit the expected norms of grief, such as being too young, too old, too emotional, or too stoic.
Disenfranchised grief can make people feel like they have no permission to grieve, no support from others, and no closure from their loss. It can also interfere with the healing process and lead to complicated grief2, which is a persistent and prolonged form of grief that affects one’s functioning and well-being.
How to Cope with Disenfranchised Grief?
If you are experiencing disenfranchised grief, you may feel alone and hopeless. However, there are ways to cope with your loss and find meaning and peace in your life. Here are some tips to help you cope with disenfranchised grief:
Acknowledge and validate your own grief. Your loss is real and important to you. You have the right to grieve in your own way and at your own pace. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel or act. Your grief is not wrong or abnormal.
Seek out supportive people who understand and respect your grief. This can include friends, family, counselors, support groups, online communities, or others who have experienced similar losses. Avoid people who judge, minimize, or invalidate your grief. You deserve to be heard and supported.
Express your grief in healthy ways. This can include writing, talking, crying, creating art, remembering your loved one, or honoring their memory. Find outlets that help you release your emotions and cope with your pain. Don’t bottle up your feelings or try to numb them with substances or distractions.
Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. This can include eating well, sleeping enough, exercising regularly, relaxing, meditating, or doing things that bring you joy. Grief can take a toll on your health and happiness. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself. You are not selfish for taking care of your needs.
Seek professional help if you feel overwhelmed by your grief. A therapist can help you process your emotions, cope with your loss, and heal from your grief3. A therapist can also provide you with a safe and confidential space to share your story and feelings without fear of judgment or rejection.
How Can Therapy Help with Disenfranchised Grief?
Therapy can be a valuable resource for anyone who is struggling with disenfranchised grief. A therapist can help you by:
Providing you with empathy and validation. A therapist can listen to you with compassion and understanding. They can acknowledge your loss and its impact on your life. They can also help you recognize and challenge any negative beliefs or thoughts that may arise from your disenfranchised grief.
Helping you find meaning and purpose in your loss. A therapist can help you explore the significance of your relationship with your loved one and the lessons they taught you. They can also help you identify your values and goals and how they may have changed after your loss. They can help you find ways to honor your loved one’s memory and legacy in your life.
Supporting you in creating a new normal. A therapist can help you adjust to the changes that come with losing someone or something important to you. They can help you cope with any practical issues or challenges that may arise from your loss. They can also help you rebuild your sense of identity and belonging after your loss.
Teaching you coping skills and strategies. A therapist can help you develop healthy ways to manage your emotions and stress related to your loss. They can teach you relaxation techniques, mindfulness practices, cognitive-behavioral skills, and other tools that can help you cope with your grief in the present and in the future.
If you are looking for a therapist who specializes in disenfranchised grief, please contact us today. We are here to help you cope with your loss and find hope and healing in your life. You are not alone. You matter. Your grief matters.
